Applying Sociology to Your Life What Kind of Parent Will You Be?

 Applying Sociology to Your Life 

What Kind of Parent Will You Be? 

Most people marry and have children, so for the purpose of this applying sociology to your life, let’s assume that you will, too. When you get pregnant or learn that your wife is pregnant, one of your first thoughts is likely to be some version of “I’m not sure I can handle this. I don’t think I know how to be a parent.” Such thoughts aren’t surprising, especially because the family “experts” keep hammering at the same old thing: “Be careful about how you raise your newborn, that fragile little thing, or you might ruin its life.” And they keep singing a related refrain: “We have the answers, so listen to us and follow what we tell you.” A decade earlier these experts were telling parents a different way to raise their children. And a decade from now, those same experts will be giving new answers in carefully scripted best sellers, eagerly sought by concerned parents.

Spank—never spank. Let children be dependent—not that much dependence. Give them freedom—no, too much freedom confuses them. Supervise their play—no, give them free play and let them find themselves. Be goal directed—no, let children enjoy childhood and just have fun. On and on. But be ultra-careful, they warn, with fingers pointing at you, their shrill voices screaming in your ears, making you think that one false step, and you can ruin your child forever. Really? Well, let’s look around the world. American family experts today: “Don’t sleep with your child. Your child will become too dependent, won’t learn to make the separation so essential for its development. Besides, dear new mother and father, you might crush the little thing as you turn in your sleep, slowly squeezing the life out of its tiny helpless body.” Fear. Listen to those experts. Co-sleeping, as it is called, isn’t some strange new parenting practice that harms children. In Japan, almost all mothers sleep with their babies. And when mothers of Nso, a tribe in Africa, learned that German mothers and their babies don’t sleep together, they were shocked. “How can those mothers be so cruel?” they wondered. “Make sure you look your children in the eye,” so they will learn proper eye contact with adults. Absolutely the right way, say the experts. How wrong those Gusii mothers in Africa must be. They figure that direct eye contact with their children is too stimulating for them. “Don’t pick up your child every time she cries. She needs to learn independence.” Those Gusii mothers again. Not only do they pick their babies up when they cry, but they also nurse them when they cry. They figure that the bodily contact—the touching and the breast and the cooing—makes the babies feel secure. What’s the answer? The answer is that there is no single right way of being a parent. Children are resilient. Relax. Your children will do just fine. Follow the basics that you already know—give your babies love and security and plenty of food. Let them be little kids and enjoy themselves. When they are frightened or sad, comfort them. And don’t worry about the “right” way to do this. If the child feels better, you did just fine. Those family experts are selling books! Or else they are little parrots who haven’t been able to write their own books, repeating what they’ve read about the right way to rear children. From looking around the world, you can see that there are different ways of rearing children. There is no such thing as the right way. Despite contrasting childrearing practices, most adults turn out just fine. Knowing this should help you relax about being a parent—and enjoy it more. SOURCES: Based on Caplan 2012 and Levine and Levine 2016. For Your Consideration → If you are a parent already, how would you describe your parenting?