12.3.4: Child Rearing

 12.3.4: Child Rearing

 With it common for both wife and husband to work outside the home, who’s minding the kids, especially the preschoolers? As you can see from Figure 12.5, 40 percent of the preschoolers are cared for by their parents at home. For these children, usually only one parent is working outside the home, but some parents are juggling two work shifts to be able to care for their children at home. Another 19 percent of preschoolers are cared for by relatives, most commonly the grandparents. Of the other 41 percent not cared for at home or with relatives, the most common arrangement is day care. 

Figure 12.5 Who Takes Care of the Babies and Preschoolers?

Day Care You know that quality child care is important, but did you know that children who receive quality care do better at language, math, and reading? They even have better memories (Li et al. 2013). About 30 percent of U.S. children are in day care, but only a minority of these children receives high-quality care—stimulating learning activities, emotional warmth, and attentiveness to their needs (Belsky 2009; Statistical Abstract 2019:Table 593). 

A primary reason for this dismal situation is the low salaries paid to day care workers. They average only about $11.27 an hour (Bureau of Labor Statistics 2019). 395 How can you find quality day care and how can you watch your children while you are at work? Let’s look at this in the following Applying Sociology to Your Life. Applying Sociology to Your Life Finding Quality Day Care Let’s assume that you have become a parent, and also that you have to work full-time. How do you find quality day care? If your parents, the new grandma and grandpa, are around—and willing—you don’t have to be concerned. But let’s suppose they aren’t. It is difficult for you to judge the quality of day care, since things might look “quality,” but you don’t know what takes place when you are not there. What should you look for? Here are the two factors that best predict quality care: a staff that has taken courses in early childhood development and a low ratio of children per staff member (Belsky et al. 2007; Manning et al. 2019). If you have nagging fears that your child might be neglected or, forbid the thought, even abused, choose a center that streams live Web cam images on the Internet. While at work, you can “visit” the day care center via cyberspace and monitor your child’s activities and care. Day care has become a primary socializing agent for millions of children. The text explains how to select superior day care facilities. Credit: AMELIE-BENOIST/BSIP/Superstock Nannies For upper-middle-class parents, nannies have become a popular alternative to day care centers. Parents love the one-on-one care and the convenience of not having to drive the child to a day care center or having to take time off from work when the child becomes ill. A recurring problem, however, is tensions between the parents and the nanny: disagreements over discipline styles and jealousy that the nanny might see the first step, hear the first word, or—worse yet—be called “mommy.” There can also be what parents find heart-breaking—the child crying when the nanny leaves but not when the mother goes to work. Social Class Do you think that social class makes a difference in how people rear their children? If you answered “yes,” you are right. Sociologists have found that working-class parents tend to think of children as wildflowers that develop naturally, while in the middle-class mind, children are like tender garden flowers that need careful nurturing if they are to bloom (Lareau 2011). These contrasting views make a world of difference in how people rear their children. Working-class parents are more likely to set limits for their children and then let them choose their own activities, while middle-class parents are more likely to try to push their children into activities that they think will develop their thinking and social skills. The parent’s type of work is especially significant (Kohn 1963, 1977; Mose 2016). Because members of the working class are closely supervised on their jobs, where they are expected to follow explicit rules, their concern is less with their children’s motivation and more with their outward conformity. These parents are more apt to use physical punishment, which brings about outward conformity, and may or may not change attitudes. Middle-class workers, in contrast, are expected to take more initiative on the job. This leads them to have more concern that their children develop curiosity and self-expression. Middle-class parents are less likely to use physical punishment and more likely to withdraw privileges or affection. Hearing from the Author: How Social Class Affects Parenting Listen to the Audio Listen to the Audio 396 Helicopter Parenting Parents who hover over their children, involved in almost all aspects of their lives as they try to make certain that everything goes according to plan—their plan—are called helicopter parents. Helicoptering has become common among upper-middle-class parents, who are almost obsessively concerned that their children have the right experiences and make the right choices in life. The helicoptering that begins in childhood often doesn’t end with childhood, as some deans have discovered when parents have called to complain that their child received an “unfair” grade. Helicoptering can make children dependent. Those who have decisions made for them can find it difficult to stand on their own. Consider this real-life event: The fresh college graduate was on a job interview. Things went well, and the interviewer was about to offer him the job. When the interviewer mentioned salary, the man said, “My mom is really good at negotiating,” and he got up and brought in his mother, who had been waiting outside the office. (author’s files) And no, he did not get the job. The interviewer was not interested in hiring his mother. The Right Way to Rear Children Helicoptering will come and helicoptering will go. The social classes will always have different approaches to child rearing. But what is the right way? For this answer, read the following Applying Sociology to Your Life. Applying Sociology to Your Life What Kind of Parent Will You Be? Most people marry and have children, so for the purpose of this applying sociology to your life, let’s assume that you will, too. When you get pregnant or learn that your wife is pregnant, one of your first thoughts is likely to be some version of “I’m not sure I can handle this. I don’t think I know how to be a parent.” Such thoughts aren’t surprising, especially because the family “experts” keep hammering at the same old thing: “Be careful about how you raise your newborn, that fragile little thing, or you might ruin its life.” And they keep singing a related refrain: “We have the answers, so listen to us and follow what we tell you.” A decade earlier these experts were telling parents a different way to raise their children. And a decade from now, those same experts will be giving new answers in carefully scripted best sellers, eagerly sought by concerned parents. Credit: Wavebreak Media Ltd PH15/Alamy Stock Photo Spank—never spank. Let children be dependent—not that much dependence. Give them freedom—no, too much freedom confuses them. Supervise their play—no, give them free play and let them find themselves. Be goal directed—no, let children enjoy childhood and just have fun. On and on. But be ultra-careful, they warn, with fingers pointing at you, their shrill voices screaming in your ears, making you think that one false step, and you can ruin your child forever. Really? Well, let’s look around the world. American family experts today: “Don’t sleep with your child. Your child will become too dependent, won’t learn to make the separation so essential for its development. Besides, dear new mother and father, you might crush the little thing as you turn in your sleep, slowly squeezing the life out of its tiny helpless body.” Fear. Listen to those experts. Co-sleeping, as it is called, isn’t some strange new parenting practice that harms children. In Japan, almost all mothers sleep with their babies. And when mothers of Nso, a tribe in Africa, learned that German mothers and their babies don’t sleep together, they were shocked. “How can those mothers be so cruel?” they wondered. “Make sure you look your children in the eye,” so they will learn proper eye contact with adults. Absolutely the right way, say the experts. How wrong those Gusii mothers in Africa must be. They figure that direct eye contact with their children is too stimulating for them. “Don’t pick up your child every time she cries. She needs to learn independence.” Those Gusii mothers again. Not only do they pick their babies up when they cry, but they also nurse them when they cry. They figure that the bodily contact—the touching and the breast and the cooing—makes the babies feel secure. What’s the answer? The answer is that there is no single right way of being a parent. Children are resilient. Relax. Your children will do just fine. Follow the basics that you already know—give your babies love and security and plenty of food. Let them be little kids and enjoy themselves. When they are frightened or sad, comfort them. And don’t worry about the “right” way to do this. If the child feels better, you did just fine. Those family experts are selling books! Or else they are little parrots who haven’t been able to write their own books, repeating what they’ve read about the right way to rear children. From looking around the world, you can see that there are different ways of rearing children. There is no such thing as the right way. Despite contrasting childrearing practices, most adults turn out just fine. Knowing this should help you relax about being a parent—and enjoy it more. SOURCES: Based on Caplan 2012 and Levine and Levine 2016. For Your Consideration → If you are a parent already, how would you describe your parenting?